3 Days to Kill

The opening scene of 3 Days to Kill takes place in a hotel. If those walls could talk they would express their deep embarrassment to be involved in this film. I’ve been searching for any kind of justification for the existence of this film and I’ve come up with nothing. No redeeming qualities of any kind. No plot, no script, no coherent direction, no attempt to act. Nothing. Just nothing.

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Kevin Costner plays a CIA hitman that is attempting to track down and eliminate a pair of bad guys known only as the Albino and the Wolf. He has the Albino in his sights when he is stricken with brain cancer. It’s a very specific kind of brain cancer- the kind that only flares up when he is in the vicinity of really really bad guys. That’s the worst kind. A doctor tells him that he has three months to live and he should sort his affairs so he is off to Paris to reconnect with his ex-wife and teenage daughter.

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His ex-wife is reluctant to see him and doesn’t want him to get involved in their lives unless he’s really done with all his super secret spy stuff. He assures her that he is totally done with the super secret spy stuff so she zips off for three days leaving care of their daughter to this man that is untrustworthy and dying. He does not tell her that he has been contacted by a high level CIA agent, played by Amber Heard who looks all of 24, who has a new drug that happens to cure brain cancer. The catch is that he has to complete one last job or he doesn’t get the medicine. Now he must hunt down and kill terrorists while trying to reconnect with a daughter that barely knows him.

The film makers of 3 Days to Kill have a fundamental misunderstanding of how nearly everything works: human relationships, elevators, spying, driving, gravity. Director McG stages not one but two raves and a tattoo parlor scene that would stand well with his early music video work, however, they stand in direct contrast to every other scene in the film. Nothing fits together in any way except for the brash stupidity of every character involved. The only way this film works is if it takes place in some sort of alternate dimension where the average IQ is 25 and the known rules of physics and medicine of our world don’t apply. There is no need for this film to exist and I imagine everyone involved in its production is hoping to sweep this under the rug as quickly as possible. Embarrassing on all fronts. Grade: D-

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