Fear and the Face of Hope

The last month or so has been relatively bitter in my house. I had started a blog about movies to review and discuss the various films I was seeing. I’d always loved film but had been scared to ever involve myself in any meaningful way that would enhance the conversation. I was also enamored with writing, but was scared to write. I don’t dream in any way that I remember in the morning, so I chose to live out my paralyzing nightmares in my everyday life. The blog was for me to get my feet wet and start to learn the process. It was a way of enjoying all the wonderful films I was seeing, involve myself in the conversation, and perhaps, face some of my demons in the process. The problem was a matter of finance. We don’t have a lot of money and I was feeling increasingly guilty about any money being spent on anything other than bills. I felt selfish, so I decided to let it go. All of it. Unfortunately, as time went on the result of that decision was wearing on me in ways I hadn’t anticipated. I didn’t feel like I gave up something trivial. I had given up something bigger. It may have just been a little blog about movies, but letting it go was letting go of the hope that it could ever turn into something more. I was very bitter. I’m going to go out on a limb and dare to speak for someone else, but it would seem that my wife did not appreciate my change in demeanor. I wasn’t too thrilled with myself either, and I was having difficulty finding a new footing. This is a very long, and slightly personal, backstory to my announcement that an opportunity has presented itself that will allow me to continue writing about film. I’m happy to say that I will resume writing duties shortly. It may lead to something more in the future. It may not. What it will do is let me continue talking with everyone about the cinema world. Thank you for your time and I hope we can keep the conversation going.

P.S. Wolf of Wall Street is the first film back on my docket and a review will come as soon as I see it.

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One thought on “Fear and the Face of Hope

  1. It is sometimes the most difficult choice to follow your muse but I assure you it is the right one. When you do not your anger and frustration become manifest in subtle ways, as you were beginning to notice. Even stolen moments early or late will keep your inner conversations going until you can devote more time. You will be a happier person, and so, by extension, will your family.

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